Farewell, Sweet Cuddle Time, Farewell

(Editor’s Note: You may be wondering why a blog dedicated to providing information about insurance,  personal income tax planning and preparation, and NYS Vehicle and Traffic Laws deals with “Cuddle Time. ” Trust me, you’ll get the ‘coverage’ connection. Well, I hope you do.  Besides, who can’t use a good laugh now and then? Enjoy! – Eustace)

Guys, It’s Time To Be Honest About Cuddle Time

Men. Suddenly we’re turning 40, 50, or even 60 years of age, and we, well at least some of us, must make peace with a sad reality: What we once did three, four, maybe even five times a night with gusto, flair, and concerns only about our own satisfaction, we now happily enjoy with true shared intimacy maybe three really good times each month.

With ample time in between for rest, recovery, reflection, relief,  and many prayers of  thanks to whichever Creator we worship that our efforts didn’t leave us in need of skilled nursing care.

But with this new reality, we also come to realize we always seem a step behind, a step too slow, just missing the boat, singing off-key, or didn’t set the hook fast enough. And now, we’ve gone and lost the big one – cuddle time.

Why is it when men of a certain age finally discover the power of the cuddle, (and yes, there is power in “The Cuddle”), their wives no longer need them for body heat?

And what vile, heinous, and foul construct stole our spouses and lovers affections, well, in some cases tolerance, you ask?

None other than the electric blanket.

That’s right. The electric blanket.

America is not the Great Satan, and sorry Theo Epstein and Boston Red Sox nation, the New York Yankees are not the true Evil Empire. No my friends, it’s the electric blanket manufacturers of the world who are creating all the problems for us men. That’s right  electric blanket manufacturers, I’m talking to you, I’m calling you out, you and your evil intimacy-destroying creations.

Oh, The Humanity!

Just imagine the workers who assemble these cuddle time-destroying creations. I’ve heard tales of women line workers raucously laughing, knowing yet another member of their sisterhood will sleep in vengeful comfort, while their male counterparts weep bitter tears at their plight, forced to assisting in the birthing of these heat-destroying engines of destruction of the last bastions of male joy and happiness.

All the Viagra and Cialis in the world cannot convince a woman enjoying the sweet, moist warmth of a Turbo 2000 Sweet Heat model to turn it off and let her husband turn her on. No, after years of neglecting her needs for truly emotional attention and connection, and too many half-hearted or failed attempts at, umm, humor, she’s gone and found a new electric lover which gives her the full cuddly body warmth she used to beg for. Now she plugs it in the wall, spins the dial to the desired level of warmth and voilà!, she doesn’t need her man anymore. And her comfort cover doesn’t complain about the texture of her dragon feet or her talon-like toenails.

And what’s really terrible is we are paying the electric utility bill for her guilty, guilty, sweet heat pleasure.

So, do we pin our hopes  on these soft and fuzzy destroyers of our remaining years of true intimacy constantly tripping the circuit breakers? Do we bring offerings to Al Gore begging him to declare them creatures of evil, possessing incontrovertible carbon footprints? Will this make wives and girlfriends repentant for their love of deviant coverage, even as they shed tears of sadness while packing their electric blankets away for the purpose of creating a more sustainable planet?

Oh yeah, that would work for me. And let’s tell the truth, it would work for a bunch of you guys too.

What About The Dragon Feet?

Is there a downside to our prayers? Yes, for once we win the recall of the accursed cuddle time-destroying covers, or our darlings sadly pack them away forever, our “on” switch must always be primed for dial-up.

Always on. Dialed up to whatever setting she wants. Be it cuddle, muddle, or just befuddled. #Cuddle Time Joy!

Even if she’s got dragon feet with talons for toenails.

Eustace L. Greaves Jr.,  is a Brooklyn-based business owner who provides his clients with integrated insurance, and income tax solutions and strategies. He is the author of BrooklynCovered.com and would really appreciate your subscribing to this blog, and sharing it with your social media families.

Cruise Control |Brooklyn Covered

It Happened One Day

I happened to meet one of my clients on the street the other day. When she saw me she had the “Oh no” look so common with people who really don’t want to run into their financial representatives. Why? Because we seem to never forget what most people tend to – the disposition of  their financial affairs.

“Have you and your brother given any thought to talking with your mom about her insurance and planning needs should she require skilled nursing care either at home or in a nursing home?”

Before she could come up with an answer the old Greaves memory kicked in. “And what about the Renters, Life and Disability Insurance program we discussed at your last review? When would you like to get together to put your plans in place?”

She looked at me and said, “Listen, I really can’t worry about that stuff now. I’m getting ready to go on a cruise and I need a complete new wardrobe and I have to finish paying for my ticket…I’ll just take my chances. I’m sure nothing is going to happen and everything will be okay until I get around to it.”

Don’t ask me where my reply came from. “Be careful with the chances you take. You just might run out of luck.”

The Ships’ Company is Prepared

“You mentioned you’re going on a cruise, right? Well, think about this: The captain and each member of the crew of your cruise ship knows exactly how much food, fuel, fresh water and other supplies they need on board before the ship departs. They know to the minute when they’ll reach their first, second and last port of call. They know exactly how many meals will be served, who will sit at the captain’s table and when, how many songs the different bands need in their repertoires, the number of towels for the deck chairs and how many mints for the pillows. They’re ready for any shipboard emergencies because they constantly run simulated drills so they know how and what to do and when. They even know your name, date of birth, food allergies and maybe even your favorite color. All before you set foot on board that ship. And I’ll bet they have a pool on how many shipboard romances will end in broken hearts.”

Confused, she looked at me and asked “So what does that have to do with me? I’m just taking a vacation.”

I looked at her, took a deep breath and said, “They have a plan. You don’t. ”

I didn’t if she was going to laugh, cry or slap me upside the head. After a few seconds that seemed like an eternity, she quietly said, ” Well, if my luck holds out, I’ll see you when I return from the cruise.”

“Give me a date and time,” I said. “And before you can tell me you don’t know when we’ll meet to get your financial house in order, try telling me you don’t know the exact date, pier and time of departure for your cruise.”

I am looking forward to our upcoming appointment.

How Prepared Are You?

Take a moment and just think about your own financial house. A “Little Bit of Luck,” is cute in the New York State Lottery commercials, but how long will your luck hold out? I think you’ll sleep better if you just put yourself on “Cruise Control” so you can really enjoy all your life has to offer.

Just ‘a little’ food for thought.

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